I laugh a little looking back at my 2026 Bingo Card because some of those squares feel so far away from my actual life right now. I had goals like “travel more,” “try pilates,” and “get more fit.” Meanwhile, my real 2026 has looked more like carrying fruit snacks around everywhere, lying on my bed nauseous, and trying not to throw up during church service. Completely different vibes.
I also definitely underestimated how much pregnancy changes you physically and emotionally. There were days when I felt guilty for slowing down so much. Especially because I’m used to constantly doing something. Working, volunteering, creating content, planning things, trying to improve myself somehow.
But pregnancy kind of forced me to sit down.
And I think I needed that.
I’ve spent a lot more time at home this year. A lot more quiet moments. A lot more time thinking. Sometimes I’ll just sit there and randomly remember that I’m going to be somebody’s mom. And then I start crying again. Not even dramatic crying, either. Just quiet tears because it still doesn’t feel real sometimes.
Especially after loss.
I think that’s another reason my Bingo Card doesn’t bother me as much anymore. Because after grieving two miscarriages, this pregnancy already feels bigger than any goal I could’ve written down in January.
There are still hard days, though. Pregnancy after loss is emotionally complicated. I don’t think people talk about that enough. You can feel grateful, excited, scared, and anxious all at the same time. Sometimes I catch myself getting nervous to feel “too happy” because of what happened before. But little by little, God has been helping me let go of that fear.
And my husband has been amazing through all of this. I genuinely don’t know what I would do without him. There have been so many moments this year where I’ve looked at him and thought, “Wow. We’re really becoming parents.” That alone still blows my mind.
My 2026 Bingo Card probably needs new squares now.
Things like:
- survive pregnancy, and then postpartum
- drink enough water
- remember to eat before getting nauseous
- exercise at least 30 mins
- take random naps in the middle of the day
- pray over my baby
- let people love and support me
Yes, that version feels a lot more accurate. Proverbs 16:9 reminds us that, “We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.”
I’m so thankful my plans were changed. Soon, our family of two (plus two cats) will grow to a family of three. Soon, I’ll have my double rainbow baby in my arms. 💙
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